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Someone Crapped in Our Yard!

Yesterday morning, between the hours of 9:00 AM and noon, someone came into our backyard and took a crap.

Yup. The mysterious intruder moved a plank of wood and a cat dish into strategic position and took a big old dump. Then, apparently, he or she wiped his or her ass with some torn up sheet music.


click if you dare

I figure someone had to go really bad and didn’t have access to a toilet. There’s a whole crew of guys working on Gwen’s house (her property abuts ours) whom I now regard with extreme suspicion.

I’ve taken steps to secure the perimeter.

Brace yourself for the most bizarre detail of all: When I called NOPD to report this incident, the person on the other end of the line was actually polite and seemed competent. I was more shocked by that than the discovery of human feces in our back yard.

Published inLife with XyMiscellaneousNeighborsNew OrleansOur House


  1. Someone did the same thing in our front yard during the evacuation, replete with paper and all. The niceness that followed? My neighbor cleaned it up before I could! A real saint.

  2. matter matter

    NOPD was just placating you. They’re not going to catch the crapper. But you knew that, eh?

    Oh yeah, faster, Rox, faster!

  3. celcus celcus

    Are you sure, you’re not dreaming the whole thing? The polite NOPD operator seems like a dead giveaway.

  4. David David

    Maybe he (and let’s face it, it was a he) was just trying to fertilize your garden–you know, do you a favor. He might even say he was doing you a solid.

  5. Rosy Rosy

    Did you really use the word “abuts”? Seriously, until I heard that he/she wiped I thought it might’ve been a racoon. We have them in Carrollton.

  6. Andrea Andrea

    My friends who lived on Napoleon and Tonti actually caught a crapper in the act in their ground floor “garage” area. The girl was a teenager, and just kept on with her business. By their report, she was not particularly ashamed. Her explanation was “oooo, I really had da go!” or something like that.

    I have to say, after I did a residency at Wilson Elementary, the NOPS school for that neighborhood, I can see how public defecation would not seem that outrageous, considering the state of the restrooms there. No toilet paper, no soap, vines growing in through broken windows, roaches, fruit flies… get the picture.

  7. Puddinhead Puddinhead

    One of the workers on our house did the same behind my garage before the general contractor got the Porta-can out onto the property. I glanced behind the garage looking for something or other, and noticed that one of the Deck-Bloks that I’d arranged so neatly when I demo’d the deck before construction started was kind of off away from the others. I went to pick it up to put it back in the stack….and saw that it was covering a big formerly steaming pile, along with the instruction sheets from a heater/light/fan that had served as toilet paper.

    All I could think was “Compadre, dig a hole, por favor….” LOL

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