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Not Pregnant Anymore

Sometime around 2:30 or so this morning, I was awoken from my deep and blissful slumber by a cry from Xy. She was crumpled on the floor of the kitchen. She was feverish and felt like she was going to faint. A little bit later, she did faint.

Earlier, while I was still asleep, she passed a lot of blood and — well, I’ll spare the bloody details, but it seems pretty certain that she’s not pregnant anymore.

The bleeding or spotting that I mentioned on Saturday never really stopped, but continued intermittently over the last few days, accompanied by increasingly severe cramps.

Xy’s feeling better now. I can’t sleep, so I’m writing this.

This turn of events leaves me feeling nothing but sad.

Xy is scheduled to see the doctor later today. Hopefully we’ll get some good information, because this has all been a little scary.

Later: As I lay in bed, unable to sleep, all I could think about were how many Big Important Things I had to do today. But when I got into my office and sat at my desk, I couldn’t remember one. The lack of sleep and the drama of the trauma are taking their toll: I keep bursting into tears. To put it bluntly, I’m a wreck. So I decided to take my friend PJ’s good advice. I’m taking the day off to look after Xy and myself.

11:00: The bleeding and the pain haven’t stopped after all. In fact they’ve become so severe it’s frightening. We’re at the doctor’s office now, waiting to see anyone who can help. As a quite trivial side note, has been having some weird problems, and my Blackberry has been having some weird problems (presumably unrelated) which is making communication difficult on all fronts.

Noonish: The doctor was very reassuring but clearly very concerned. He sent us to the hospital for a D&C. If you don’t know what that means, trust me — you don’t wanna know. Fortunately the hospital (Tulane/Lakeside) is right next door. Unfortunately the medical system around here is universally overwhelmed post-Katrina. When the red tape couldn’t be resolved over the phone, the good doctor walked us over to the hospital, through the back door to Outpatient Surgery, and threw his weight around. Now I’m trying to shepherd her paperwork through Admitting. I’m waiting for my number to be called while Xy waits to go under.

2:00: Those who know Xy will not be surprised that she was cracking jokes as they wheeled her off. I just talked to the doctor, and he said the procedure was completed without complication. Now I’m just waiting for Xy to wake up so I can take her home. I guess the scariest parts of this whole thing are over. I sure hope so.

Published inLife with Xy


  1. Hey, B, I don’t know anything to say except that I’m sorry for your news.

  2. Kathleen Kathleen

    Wow… please be ok.

  3. Justine Justine

    Hope Christy and you feel better. We are very sorry.

  4. Kathy Kathy

    I am so sorry to hear about Xy. I hope that the problem is resolved quickly. I will be thinking about you two.

    No, you don’t know me, but I’ve been reading your blog and watching your videos for a few weeks now. As a native New Orleanian transplanted to DC, I rely upon blogs like yours to give me the real scoop on what’s going on in the city.

  5. Having experienced this myself I will only send my love and say
    this is something you will both have to work through……
    Don’t rush it. 🙂

  6. Carol Carol

    Thanks for the updates. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

  7. Hey B,

    My thoughts are with Xy and you. I had to hold my friend’s hand through a D&C once and underwent a similar frightening experience myself. You seem more empathic than most men, but I just want to remind you that Xy’s emotional pain will turn out to be much greater than her physical one. There is this inexplicable and draining feeling of loss and helplessness that follows the immediate ordeal. Hold her heart through all of it. (I know you will.)


  8. Michael Michael

    We’re all hoping this turns out well Bart and Xy. Let me know what I can do to help.

  9. Oh B and Ky — wish I had something stronger to say than hang in there —

  10. ned ned

    you guys are in my thoughts, take care.

  11. I’m so sorry, B & Xy. Hang tough and don’t give up hope.

  12. Maitri nailed it with “There is this inexplicable and draining feeling of loss and helplessness that follows the immediate ordeal. Hold her heart through all of it. (I know you will.)”

    I have been watching the site, quietly, hoping all was well, but fearful of exactly this. I had three beautiful sons and three miscarriages and they’re harder than anyone can imagine. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Christy during this time. I wish I had greater wisdom or comfort to offer. Peace.

  13. Bill Bill

    Sorry for the hard times… take care of yourselves and each other.

  14. Greg Fisherkeller Greg Fisherkeller

    I am very sorry to hear the bad news. The sadness is very real. We actually named the baby we lost. It helped bring closure to a very traumatic situation.

    Please have faith. After our experience, my wife and I went on to have three wonderful boys.


  15. Therese Therese

    I am sorry to hear about your news today. Take good care of each other. We are here if you need us.

  16. ((((hugs)))) to you both. Take care of each other and take the time to heal physically and emotionally. It may be tough, but it brings you two closer together.

  17. Garvey Garvey

    Sorry to both of you. My prayers are with you both.

  18. That’s really sad Bart. Xy is the greatest, and her character alone will pull her through this. We’ll be thinking about you guys.

  19. Sorry you guys had to go through this Bart, Xy.

  20. I’m so sorry, guys. My brother and sister in law went through this before finally bearing my neice. I wish I could crack some cynical joke, but I just can’t. Maybe later, after a drink 😉

  21. a a

    Wishing the best for you both. Take care b and xy.

  22. B & X, keep your hearts whole and keep bearing up. Clearly your focus on life is strong and will serve you in good stead during this part of time.

  23. I think the more you talk and write through this experience, the better it will be for you. My prayers are with you and your wife.

  24. I’m so sorry to hear about this painful episode, and wish you well.

  25. I’m so sorry. My thoughts are with you both

  26. Karen Karen

    highs and lows ….Life..Keep on moving

  27. It’s terrible, but keep thinking about how fortunate you are to have each other. Xy will probably take a slump in mood, be ready! So sorry for you both.

  28. Sending you both lots of light and love. May the pain and sadness pass quickly.

  29. In the fleeting moment in which I met xy the other day, I was instantly struck by how light and easy her presence was. I know how something like this could challenge the very core of your beliefs, and there are no platitudes that could possibly ameliorate the emotional challenges you might both be confronting, but you have a wonderful wife, and you’re a wonderful person, so just do what you two seem to do so extraordinary well — love — and know that we all support you in our thoughts and prayers.

  30. Ray Ray

    I’m very sorry. I hope Xy is recovering well this morning.

    You should definitely take some time off.

  31. Sorry B and Xy. Hope you both feel better really soon. Take it easy. It’s been a very tough year for you. Know that I’m praying for you both.

  32. You both are in our prayers and thoughts. Been through this a couple of times ourselves. From your posts I can tell how much you love each other, that will get you through.

  33. JimmyR JimmyR

    J and I are terribly sorry….rest, get well, and renew.

  34. julesB_Town julesB_Town

    Dearest B and XY, I am so sorry. We too have been through 3 miscarriages before having our two kids. Stay strong, love each other and all will be ok.
    Although I don’t know you 2 personally, I was/am an avid ROX watcher, and read your blog often hoping to hear that New Orleans is recovering/healing and glad that you are a part of the recovery.
    Peace to you both-

  35. carrie carrie

    Just wanted you to know that we are thinking of you both and hope for things to turn to an upswing soon. Sending lots of love your way.

  36. Jeff Elbo Jeff Elbo

    my sincere condolences.

  37. I am so sorry. The two of you will be in my thoughts.

  38. […] Wow. Didn’t take long to get to a major bummer. The truth is that in New Orleans these days, there’s something to cry about in the newspaper every day — or just look out the window. Then again, that’s true for lots of places in the world. Since Katrina I have cried about something almost every day. Usually it’s just a gentle misting of the eyes. The last time I really bawled my eyes out was a couple weeks ago when Xy had a really scary medical emergency. She’s all right now. […]

  39. B – the same thing just happened to us today. It’s weird and disconcerting and numbing. Keep fighting the good fight. And take more pictures of New Orleans for me, please. They are always awesome, poignnant, and real.

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