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Key Flush

I got a panicked call from Xy. She had just flushed her keys down the toilet at Sears.

I was incredulous. “All of them?”

“All of them.”

The Sears employees tried to help, but there wasn’t anything they could do. It’s one of those high-suction toilets. The keys are long gone.

The problem is I lost my car key this summer while we were on vacation. It’s lying on the bottom of the St. James River in Missouri.

So I was thinking this was a big disaster. Certainly a big pain in the ass.

Yes, we had an emergency spare once upon a time. Xy was certain that it was long gone, so we’ve spent the last five months passing a single car key back and forth.

But on a hunch, I pulled a drawer from my nightstand, put it under a lamp where I could see properly (a flashlight search was unsatisfactory) and found the spare key almost immediately.

And so a major pain in the ass was turned into a minor pain in the ass.

Major props to my boss, who took time out of his evening to ferry me over the river on a rescue mission. Wotta guy!

Published inLife with Xy


  1. MF MF

    That’s why I hate those self-flushing toilets! I’ve always pictured dropping my keys into them and having them disappear! I’m sure that happens to a lot of people.

  2. Yikes! You guys are very lucky you were able to find the spare so easily. You can always buy a new key from a dealer but they can get expensive, especially the new electronic ones. Funny story.

    I got a call last night and they boys got in safely. They arrived at night again (this is his second trip down), which my son continues to say is one of the most intensely poignant experiences of his life, coming in I-10 from the east, driving through the dark between the lake and the city. He’s happy to be back.

  3. Good god. The last time I lost my keys was the Summer of 1992 while swimming in the infamous “Breaking Away” quarry in Bloomington. I rode my motorcycle all the way to the quarry, jumped in the waters, and watched my keys sink to the bottom. Luckily a screwdriver allowed me to break my ignition switch and ride home.

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