Choice Words

Collected Quotes From Telemarketing Calls I Have Made

Conversation with a Canadian

Her:  We don't have anything to play a video on.

Me:   [feigning incredulity] You don't have a VCR?

Her:  Well, we have one, but it's not hooked up to anything.
      We've only had it four or five years...

Regarding Our Product

"If it was that good you wouldn't have to be calling me."

Regarding Our Client

"They're not running like a company -- 

 they're a bunch of goddam idiots!"

The Best Way

"This is how we handle your type of phone call, Mr Everson."

* click *

Yes, I'm a Smartass, Pt. I

Me:  May I ask how old is your youngest?

Her: No.

Me:  But I just did.

[awkward silence]

Me:  Sorry to bother you, ma'am.

Her: You WERE a bother.

Yes, I'm a Smartass, Pt. II

Him: I'm not interested, I'm an old senior citizen.

Me:  Well, that's the best kind of senior citizen!

Conversation with a Man in West Virginia

Him: Look, I never have subscribed to that stuff and I'm not 
     going to start now.  Those magazines are all trash --
Me:  Well, now, this is not a magazine.  This is a book, actually; 
     it's called the Mighty Chieftains.  It'll take you back to 
     ancient times and recreate what life was like for the Native 
     American before Columbus arrived.
Him: I get all that from the Bible.

Me:  Well, there's not actually any Native Americans 
     in the Bible, sir.

Him: There's enough for me.

Yes, I'm a Smartass, Pt. III

Him: Well they sure didn't teach you nothing.

Me:  The correct term would be 'anything,' sir.

Also Heard at the Office

Branch Manager M---- on Second Efforts:

"It's better that you get hung up on than that 
 you not go ahead and try to get that sale."

Branch Manager T-- Encouraging a Sales Rep:

"Ooh, Pat, nasty!  Gettin' nasty!
 Gettin' ugly with 'em!"