If, on the other hand, you are not me and you are reading this without permission, and I am not dead... get yer cottin'-pickin' hands offen my book and keep yer nose where it belongs!!
If I'm dead -- go ahead an' read it. By the way, it is all true.
Signed: Barton Pau
Oh screw that! I never write in cursive anyways.
TIME PERIOD OF READER UNKNOWN.
TOTAL IGNORANCE ASSUMED.