Volume One

Preface by Me

In this journal, I'm writing to you, the reader. I don't know who you are. You could be me in the future -- a different person than me now. If so, hi! Welcome back.

If, on the other hand, you are not me and you are reading this without permission, and I am not dead... get yer cottin'-pickin' hands offen my book and keep yer nose where it belongs!!

If I'm dead -- go ahead an' read it. By the way, it is all true.

Signed: Barton Pau
Oh screw that! I never write in cursive anyways.

TIME PERIOD OF READER UNKNOWN.
TOTAL IGNORANCE ASSUMED.